As the rain turns to silver glass

There is a long road ahead of each of us in life. Meandering though a land we cannot see until we pass through it. Like many, I find uncertainty difficult. My mind tries to help me by always fixating on finding a destination, finding the right path through the divergent choices we face, so each step points forward. When you are sure where you are going, the gentle meander of day to day life seems easy to deal with.

But the universe is too cunning to outwit it with such strategies. We can never see far enough through the rain to know where we are going. No sense of dimensional space applies to fate: what is forwards can also be backwards, and what can seem like downwards can often be forwards. Coping with this Escher-esque world requires us to continually change our frames of reference. Adapting ourselves to progress, meeting each circumstance as it is thrown at us. Lest we find ourselves crouched at the side of the road, too paralysed with fear to move on.

And so, I have found myself at a fork in the road. A fork with many paths leading off in different directions, with no signs to post the way. What do you choose when you no longer no where you want to be? Being forced to pause momentarily allows you the chance to reflect. Not just the school-book reflective essays which you write knowing your tutor is marking what you say. No, this is real, personal reflection where you don’t care anymore if anyone or no-one ever reads what you say.

It has been 7 months since the end of the structured learning of my MA has ended. Looking back from here I see how much I have needed the validation of others to give me a the confidence to move on. Once that is taken away, so quickly life is plagued by uncertainty and the shadow of creeping doubt – of your talents, your desires and your ‘plan’, which rapidly fades into dust once it sees the light of day. Where now? The old festival of Imbolc has just passed, the moment we start to see the light of spring slowly returning to warm the winter dark. This is the perfect time for reflection and re-dedication. Should I release myself from the pressure of achievement? Not doing anything for any reason other than the rawness of desire? In the business world, not having a  corporate vision & strategy is the easiest way to fail. But life is not a business, and living without passion and joy is surely not living at all. Then again, we still have to pay the mortgage, and no decision (however hard you try) can ever be made in a vacuum.

Context is everything.


3 thoughts on “As the rain turns to silver glass

  1. stardust000

    So good to read your blog again.

    Life is a journey, learning from the experiences through the passage of time. We gain strength from the struggles and challenges we face. When our lives are turned upside down, everything can seem bleak but we can look for the glimmer of light. How do we move on when our world as we know it has changed, and our plans and hope disappear? The pain can blind our reality but we can reflect, accept and find the peace and solace within. Life is about learning to live, to love, to share and enjoying those moments before they are gone.
    Is our path fixed or is it from the choices we make? As one door closes, we open another, life finds a way. We can focus our energy on positive thoughts to feed our mind and soul.
    Remember, you are not alone on this journey, help is just a click away.
    Love you lots Moxxx

  2. Eileen

    Be very gentle with yourself and take what ever time you need to stand at your crossroads – alone but not alone – love, in all its ways, from all of us, is all around you – xxx

  3. tom

    Reflection is always useful. The saying that you can’t step into the same river twice could mean that the river constantly changes as the water flows or that the person is always changing. Either way a step is made and the next part of the journey begins. Life isn’t a destination and everyone’s journey is unique. Take the step and let your own path unfold in front of you. It will be neither right nor wrong, just yours.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s