“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.”
― Lemony Snicket
Today has conspired against me, all day. From the moment I got out of bed (late), to leaving and going back into the house twice for forgotten things, I knew was in for trouble. First activity of the day was turning out my latest moulded silk paper object, which has come out ok, but much darker than expected – perhaps this adds to the ‘oldness’ I was going for, but i’m not sure if just looks too grey. Getting this ready also made me miss the bus of course.
After an event-free morning in the library, my discovery of David Poston cheered me up but got me back thinking about experimenting with weaving and spinning my own paper thread. Following my inner tutor voice saying “why do you want to do that”, I can’t quite decide if this is experimentation or a desire to ‘play’ with new things. Having been brought up on this already, I’m getting to a point where I am double-guessing every thought. Not sure this is helpful. After David Poston, I also came across the fibre artist Naoko Serino whose jute soft sculpture work I liked, and whose style is similar in feel to my current experiments.
After a few more trivial but increasingly irritating annoyances, I bumped into Shane on the way out of college and we had a quick chat about things. I tried to explain how my ideas had been developing since our last group tutorial, but seemed to end up in a muddle again. Everyone seems to have a different idea of my project than I do. How have I got myself in this confused a position? The main issue is when people offer me ideas I can tell when they are not in keeping with what I want to do, but can’t immediately offer better suggestions on what I do want. Very irritating, but I’m sure I’m not alone in this? Perhaps I’m moving away from the specific idea of ritualised making, as it feels like is turning into a constraint I’m fighting against, not with. I came out of college with the impression that he and Maiko are worried about how well I’m getting on with the course. Hard to tell if this was true or a result of my projections of a bad day.
The only positive was that I shared a new poem describing my current theme which seemed to have the impact I wanted.
I am standing on the edge
Halfway into darkness.
A lone crow flies overhead,
then melts into shadow;
The flickering light of the crescent moon
unhelpful, and unwatched.
The silence in the wildwood
Angelique Talbot, Feb 2015
I wouldn’t normally dump all this stuff in once post, but I need to express the frustration I suppose. Days like this make you wonder what the point is, and whether you would be better off on your own without people’s influences or academic hoops. Lemony Snicket maybe offers a little balance to the mood…
“At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.”
― Lemony Snicket